Children, even adult children, grieve when their parents pass away. When bad moms pass away, her children probably grieve but I also think there might be a spec of relief. I have friends who continually say their moms didn’t support their choices, always picked on them, or their hair, or their shoes, or their friends, or something. When a good mom passes away, her children grieve fiercely, because they just purely miss her.
I went to high school and college in the 1970s, don’t misunderstand me, my mom laughed at my shoes, how could she not, platform sandals, oh good grief, but she was dancing in heels that high in the 1950s. She laughed, but with love in her heart, just as I laugh as my daughter’s shoes. My mom backed my choices, going to college 600 miles from home, changing my major a couple times my freshman year, working in the oil and gas field, moving to Ohio and then Colorado, even farther away, waiting more than a decade to have a child, lots of decisions other parents might not have agreed with. I hear some friends moan about taking care of their parents, I was lucky my mom moved out west for the last 15 years of her life. I didn’t have to pay long distance charges to talk with her for the first time in two decades! Unlike kids now, I had to budget money to pay for my long distance bills to keep in connection with my mom, a weekly checkup. Now kids and parents have cell phone and the calls are virtually free. I remember when I could call my mom two or three times a week and it was a local call, I felt like I had won the lottery. I used to feel sorry for my friends when they would say “I have to call my mom today,” since for me it was “I get to talk to my mom today.”
My grief for my mom when she passed away was pretty deep and pretty strong. Unexpectedly intense. I now realize it was probably in direct proportion to how much I miss her and how great of a mom she was for me. Those of my friends who had unsupportive moms probably got through the grieving process much sooner than I did. I missed my mom as a mother and as a friend and as someone whose opinion I wanted to hear. It might not be the same as mine and often wasn’t, but I admired her thought process and was interested in her what she had to say about a lot of topics.
Good Moms are Hard to Let Go
Two of my childhood friends lost their mothers in 2014 as have a multitude of others. For those in the grieving process, I hope they realize, they hurt because they were lucky enough to have had good parents. And for those who had mediocre moms, maybe the silver lining is that perhaps the grief isn’t as fierce. My take on grief is that I was lucky to have had the mom I had and I would rather have had the grief I did, than exchange for some of the other moms. For Joan Indig who was buried today and my mom, you were good moms, you will be mourned and in my mom’s case, continue to be mourned in direct proportion to how much you were loved, and that’s a lot. My heart goes out to children who are grieving for their parents. I am one of the lucky ones.